In this solo episode, Dr. Rachel Evans – chartered psychologist and hypnotherapist specialising in eating disorder recovery – shares two key themes from recent client conversations that offer valuable insights for anyone navigating recovery.

Rethinking and Letting Go of Control in Eating Disorders

Rachel explores the often-cited belief that restrictive eating provides a sense of control. She encourages listeners to reflect on what control really means to them, suggesting that genuine control might actually lie in having choices around food, not in following rigid rules.

Challenging Absolute Beliefs or “Truths” From the famous Kate Moss quote “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” to the idea that “nothing hits like a binge,” Rachel discusses how certain ingrained beliefs may feel true but might be worth questioning – especially when they come with negative consequences. She invites listeners to explore the origins of these beliefs and whether they truly serve them.

🎧 Listen if you’re looking for:

• Gentle, thought-provoking ways to shift your mindset in recovery
• Validation and real talk about common challenges
• Encouragement to explore your own version of a nourished life

Please remember that this podcast shares opinions and information, it isn’t for the diagnosis or treatment of an eating disorder, mental or physical health issues.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR EPISODE 67 – JUST EAT NORMALLY PODCAST

Today we are going to be talking about important conversations that I’ve had with clients this week. I have had lots of interesting and diverse conversations as I always do. But I wanted to pull out these two because these are things that I talk about with clients quite a lot -both of the things or at least one of these things with most clients so I thought they would be quite relevant to you.

Okay so number one. I guess the question that comes up when people are talking about you know “this eating disorder gives me a feeling of control” or it might be like the specific behaviors or the specific thoughts like “restricting makes me feel more in control”.

I think it’s really useful to explore like what does control mean to you? I’m leaving a pause. You can pause and have a think right now, but like I just want to give you how I would answer that from the other side of recovery. And obviously with my One to One clients, you know, we explore what it means to them. I ask them kind of more questions about it depending on what they’ve said. We maybe even explore this but like where did this idea come from? A bit of the history of it as well. But then often I ask if they do want my perspective as well, which most people would be happy to hear. And I’m also not saying that my idea is the right idea, it’s also something to explore for yourself. But I feel for me right now, being in control in the food context especially, means that I have choices about it.

 I think sometimes when we’re restricting, and I definitely know for me, I felt like I was in control if I was eating the least, if I was following the food rules, but that actually wasn’t me in control because I might have liked to eat something different but I was just scared to do it. So for me that didn’t feel like control.

Oh no, I did my notes out of order and thought I would be alright. I was gonna just add in you know sometimes people’s answers that they have about this is like

Control means that they feel like they’ve got power in the situation or control means they feel like they’re getting the outcome that they want. ⁓ If they’re doing these rigid behaviors, if you’re following certain thoughts that you might label as an eating disorder thought. But is it really, it you, like yourself, sometimes people say they feel separate from the part of them that’s telling them to restrict or telling them to do the other things, which is not always true.

but you know sometimes but is that what you want? Is that aligned with your goals? So yeah, so for me it means having choices. So for example, if I went to a restaurant and I’m just gonna use some really stereotypical foods here. So let’s say like a salad is healthy just for a stereotype and like the biggest burger up on the menu with chips and onion rings and you know like those ones that are so big that you can’t fit your mouth around it.

For the purpose of this let’s put that as that unhealthy food or the food that people might be scared of which is not to say that I think that that is the truth I think there’s a lot of nuance to this but let’s go with that for now. So to me if I went into the restaurant and I was choosing what to eat in that situation to me it would feel like I have control if I’m like okay actually you know what I’m not so hungry

today or you know maybe it’s summer I fancy something really fresh okay I’m gonna have the salad or I’ve had it before and I know I really like it so that’s what I’m gonna choose today because I’ve decided or conversely maybe another day I’m like I’m so famished today maybe I had like a small lunch or I didn’t have an afternoon snack or something and we’re going out for dinner in the evening and I’m like do you know what I just really fancy that burger that’s like got a bit of everything on it

but to me like that’s a choice

that I could make, it’s not like, oh you are definitely out of control if you’ve had that bigger meal. Which I think sometimes in that moment when you’re restricting that kind of judgement can come in, like what would people think of me if I had that bigger thing? They might think I’m out of control or you might even feel out of control if you start eating that because you’re already anticipating like, oh well now this is like a binge so I will just have more and then I’ll make myself throw up or I’ll compensate in some other way so.

I think it’s just my point in this was going to be, and having those foods like, what is it that you want in that situation? What are the other factors that you might take into account in that situation when you’re choosing what to eat rather than just like, well, I’m in control if I eat the most low calorie option on the menu, or I’m in control if I eat the healthiest thing. And you know, it’s not an overnight change. I get that those other foods might feel scary right now. But my point was, it’s just something to think about.

Okay and number two is when people kind of come in and they have like a definitive like this is my truth which totally valid like that is your truth. Let me just give you two slightly opposite examples of this. So one is you know when people tell me about that Kate Moss quote like nothing tastes as good as skinny feels like it’s not worth me having those things like I my body feels so good right now so that is that’s one.

And the other one is when people say something around the idea of like nothing hits the spot like a binge, they’re not the exact words people say but almost this idea of like how am gonna get that feeling some other way? Well no, they’re not even posing as a question, it’s like I am not gonna get that feeling another way so I have to hold onto this thing. However, they’re talking to me through Zoom or in my office. So…

some point in the conversation will probably point out like okay but what else are you conveniently forgetting about this like yes on one hand that thing is your truth but also maybe if someone has lost weight, to be skinny inverted commas whatever that means, to feel like this in their body potentially if they’re not eating enough they don’t have enough energy or maybe they’re feeling hangry all the time so they might feel good in their body

in that moment or maybe the amount of exercise they’re having to do to have that body shape is impacting on social time or something else. So that would be kind of one side of it. And I guess for the binging and purging, maybe purging or not purging, didn’t mention purging specifically in the example, but for like if you’ve had a binge, maybe you’re missing connection from that time that you’ve gone to have a binge.

because you could have been spending it with other people but now you’re feeling like this is alone, this is secretive, it’s really playing into that. So really my kind of gentle invitation for people as well and based on what someone’s told me and the answers that they’re giving me because it’s a conversation, it’s not me talking at them like I am talking at you in a podcast. But it’s always this question of like, well, how do you know?

do you know that is like the absolute truth? and start to loosen it up a little bit from like this is a fact like this is how it feels for me right now because I’m not denying that that’s how it feels for you right now but also given that it’s having these unwanted consequences and you want to shake it up a bit like how do you know that that is the truth it might be like hey where did this come from where did you learn it

what have you actually tried instead? You know sometimes people try stuff and the first thing they try it’s not the thing that makes them feel differently and also just to say like I think I think there’s a part I like how do I explain this I didn’t write it very well in my notes I just put reduce need to cope in terms of the binges because it might be that you actually don’t need to find something so

not amazing, that’s not the word, but like, you know, if this is what’s fulfilling you so much in the day and the thing that you’re looking forward to, actually if you make some other changes in your life as well, it might be that you don’t need that thing to be the pinnacle and be giving you everything and the thing that you look forward to because actually you’re generally less stressed, you know, or you’re generally feeling better about other things. So I think in some cases it might be like, okay, nothing hits as well like a binge or you’ll feel like nothing.

taste as good as my body feels right now but like how do you know that without trying it? Is that absolutely true for you? Forever evermore. What was the other bit? Oh yeah looking at my notes. I literally wrote this on an envelope. A Vision Express envelope telling me to go and book my eye test which I know but I have not done because I didn’t know what my week was gonna look like and then it’s snowing so I’m reluctant to book for next week. So yes.

The other point was going to be what are you conveniently forgetting within this? Where is the scope to loosen it up because you realise actually this, having this as my truth is not working for me. yeah, that’s it. Just some other kind of conversations I enjoy having with clients are very diverse. I love talking about my clients telling me all about the sea glass that they found on their beach walk.

I don’t know what else we’ve been talking about recently, like crochet frogs, sometimes we end up talking about aliens, depending on the clients, we end up talking a lot about like philosophy and ethics and does the end justify the means and obviously relevant to recovery and everything but you know I think sometimes people think when you go to therapy you’re just going to be talking about the food and these two topics that I’ve picked I feel you know are quite relevant but also

I just want to add in quickly at the end, know, therapy can cover so many other kinds of topics as we’re relationship building, as we’re finding out what’s important to you, what’s gone on in your week. Like if you have a therapist, don’t feel like you can’t bring those other things to the conversation as well. Okay, so I’ve also written a new outro to the podcast. And before I get into that, if you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a rating of the show.

please leave a comment because the only comment that I got last year was a negative comment. I think I said that on the previous podcast because it’s hit the nerve with me. So if you have enjoyed it, just please rate, please leave a comment. Other people can find it that way.

So yes, my outro. If something in this episode resonated, then you are obviously welcome to follow the podcast so we can have more conversations and leave a rating, as I just said. So if you’re at the point where you know that you don’t want to keep doing this on your own and you want to find more information about working with me one-to-one, either long term or through a one-off session, you can find that information in the show notes.

And yeah, just take what you need from this episode, leave the rest and I will speak to you soon. Goodbye. The end.